I used to be a very pessimistic person.
If things didn’t go as I thought they should have, negative feelings would fester until I lashed out in some way. I would often be in a bad mood but covered it with a smile, rolled my eyes at overly cheerful people, stressed out about the small stuff, and put up walls to block out criticism.
I didn’t realize how miserable I was, and that I was doing it to myself.
I honestly cannot tell you at what point my perspective began to change. I can only say that it happened slowly, and it wasn’t due to one single event. But I do remember how I had surrounded myself with other pessimistic people. I remember how poisonous and awful it made me feel, and how I projected it onto my marriage at times. I remember not wanting to be like that anymore.
It was very easy to be pessimistic, especially with constant change in my life due to military standards that impact it. I didn’t always have the best attitude because I didn’t feel I had a choice in the matter as a spouse.
Do military spouses have a choice?
A word many military spouses feel they cannot use because of the authority and power the military does have. But we can choose. There is always a choice, even when it may not feel that way. Whatever the situation happens to be, like when we lose something dear to our hearts, or if an identity has gone missing, we choose our attitude.
I chose to marry someone who chose to serve his country. So I choose to search for the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel, the brightest star in the sky, and any other uplifting line I can think of that reminds me to find the good in the not so glamorous parts of my life… when I can.
Choosing to recognize the good aspects of military culture is something that keeps me going, because it isn’t all doom and gloom, but it’s not all unicorns and rainbows either.
What I feel I am is a realist. I prefer to be optimistic, but I appreciate and respect the pessimist in me because I want to be honest about my life as a military spouse. So I choose to be real, and that is OK with me because I want other military spouses to know that it’s OK to feel whatever they choose.
I would want someone to be real with me. How about you?
Heather has twelve years under her belt as an Air Force spouse and uses her passion for writing to reflect on her honest views of being a modern day military spouse at her blog Military Wife Military Life. She navigates her days with two young boys and two dogs by her side. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Want more on military life?
- 3 Telltale Signs You’re Friends with an Awesome Military Spouse
- A Commander’s Wife Tells All: My Life Doesn’t Revolve Around the Military
- 57 Things Military Spouses Can Stop Apologizing For
- How to Find a Stunning Military Ball Dress for Under 100 Dollars
Do you think military spouses have choices in military life? Let’s chat in the comments!
Malia
I agree with you 100%! I wouldn’t say that I was always pessimistic, but was pretty much surrounded by it, so it was easy to pick up that attitude as well. There were times when I literally had to sit back and look at it from outside-in. At times I was projecting it onto my husband and he has absolutely no fault with is, I felt horrible because it’s not fair to him. Especially when he was on deployment. For the better part of this year, I’ve gone back to my old attitude, which is less negative and more realistic. I prepare myself for the worst, so that I won’t be disappointed and it’ll be easier for me to accept and just go with the flow. I definitely want the real side of things, when they try to sugar coat things to make us feel better, it annoys. We know that things happen and that they change constantly, we won’t always be happy about it, but have to accept that it’s out of our control.
I was planning on writing a similar post for next week, so if it’s okay, I’d definitely love to share a bit of this on my post!
Heather
Certainly Malia. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and thank you for asking permission to share… as long as a proper link is used of course. I look forward to reading it.
Ina
I just came across this because it was in my pinterest feed. Wow did I need it.
I am a realist too. I always thought I was an optimist, but in the past few years I’ve realized I am an outward optimist, and an optimist for everyone else, but for myself, I am 100% a realist. Sometimes it leans towards optimism, sometimes to pessimism… but when it comes to being an army wife it tends to be the latter…
I’m not proud of it. I try to look on the good side. I’m glad we have a decent house to live in. I’m glad we have a steady income while I can’t work because of health problems…
But truth be told I have only met 2 people on base and it is only because they go to my church which is off base.
My husband is paranoid about fees so I can’t put nails in the wall. I can only hang so much on command hooks.
I can’t stand for more than 45 minutes tops, plus we only have 1 car, so I am stuck home, all the time.
So I have plenty of things to wallow in.. but it is my own dumb fault that I do! Those things stink but they could be worse! I could know.all my neighbors because they are nosey or loud jerks!
Thank God for command hooks and hobby lobby.
And I could still need a 4th surgery. Or this one could have gone wrong and I’d be messed up for life instead of just 6 or so more months.
And hey, I met some great friends at my church! I am going to hang out with the wife tomorrow. I am thankful for that friend.
Choosing to be optimistic. Thanks for the kick in the behind. I needed it ?
Hillary Anne
Your reflection on having choices really hit home with me. I recently reflected on my life and realized that having choices is what makes me feel in control, but sometimes it is hard to figure out what your current choices are. I wrote about it a bit in a Letter to an Unemployed Milspouse on my own blog.